Casual Thumping: Not OK
Holly has a request that really, you know, she shouldn’t have to make. I’ve seen this stuff go on, and maybe even perpetrated a little bit of it. It’s an easy boundaries-mistake to make, but it’s not OK:
Please do not, in social situations or even vanilla sex, just come out and whomp me.
Don’t hit me because I said something “bratty” and it would be funny. Don’t hit me because we’re joking about what a totally kinky kinkster I am. Don’t hit me to show that you’re the UberDom and you don’t take sass. Don’t hit me because my butt is just sticking out there, like right out there, and it’s just too tempting.
And for the love of God don’t hit me because you think I’d like it.
There are people who are okay with this sort of thing, who really are in bottom mode all the time, and I’ve got no problem with that. And there are other people who aren’t physically enjoying it, but are in D/s relationships where they’ve agreed to take it. But neither of these covers everyone in BDSM. There are a lot more people–and I’m one of them–whose reaction being casually whomped is “well, it didn’t hurt that bad, and I don’t want to bring everyone down by making a big deal out of it, and I don’t want people to be afraid to play with me because I’m too touchy, and I guess it was kinda funny… but ugh.”
Amen Sister!
My sweetie and I have long had a routine where, when she needs punishment, she drops her pants for the ritualised caress of her bottom. She knows she is being punished and why she is being punished but this is far more effective than beating the crap out of her.
She knows who is boss and I don’t need to prove it by damaging her.