Excited By Her Own Limits
Writer Shelby Cross offers a useful illustration of the difference between fantasizing about something and actually wanting to experience it:
My absolute biggest hard limit is needles. I have a phobia of hypodermic needles and syringes, especially ones designed for blood tests.
…
I also have limits with my nipples. They are acutely sensitive, and can’t take a lot of abuse. Threaten me with nipple torture, and I will cry.
Here’s where things get funny: my most exciting fantasies, the ones that shoot me into instant arousal and have me itching to come, are ones that involve getting pins stuck through my nipples. Obviously, I would NEVER want this done to me; this is fantasy alone, visions in my head that will never come to fruition. But the idea of it thrills me nonetheless.
With good communication and trust, this sort of thing can be useful in scenes; a good menacing can sometimes get your sub going like nothing else, even if the threatened behavior is completely off-limits.
Elsewhere on Bondage Blog:
SUBMISSIVE
Just so you know, X is one of my hard limits.
DOMINANT
Okay.
SUBMISSIVE
I’d really like to explain why X is one of my hard limits, but I’m not comfortable talking about it.
DOMINANT
You don’t have to explain. It’s not a big deal.
SUBMISSIVE
Ok, ok… I’ll tell you. X is one of my hard limits because I hate it, it scares me, and really, I just hate it.
DOMINANT
It’s okay! :) I‘m glad you told me, and I respect that X is one of your hard limits.
SUBMISSIVE
Good. Because I need you to understand that it’s really, really one of my hard limits.
DOMINANT
I understand.
SUBMISSIVE
Good. I’m so glad!
…but what if I want you to do X to me? ;)
DOMINANT
No.
SUBMISSIVE
Why not? Why won’t you do X to me?
DOMINANT
Because it’s one of your hard limits.
SUBMISSIVE
Pleeeese? Pretty please? Please will you do X to me? ;) *tee hee*
DOMINANT
No.
SUBMISSIVE
Ok, ok! I was just kidding. Actually, I’m really glad you said no. :)
DOMINANT
Ok, good.
SUBMISSIVE
But seriously… will you do X to me?
Reproduced from:
http://dumbdomme.com/2012/11/communication-in-ds.html
Heh, that’s exactly the sort of thing I meant when I gestured at “good communication”. I’ve seen hard limits erode, which creates a very difficult situation if the sub can’t say in explicit words “This hard limit I specified? I’ve changed my mind. It’s still a boundary but you have my permission to stretch it…” Unfortunately the necessary self-knowledge and communications skills for that aren’t universal (to put it mildly).